In our last two blog posts, we discussed how the ADHD brain works and strategies for managing behavior. However, even with the best approaches, there are times when a child’s behavior escalates—whether they’re running, yelling, or acting aggressively. Today, let’s look at what to do when ADHD behaviors escalate (applicable to all kids as well) and how to de-escalate these situations calmly and effectively.
Steps to Take When Behaviors Escalate
1. Stay Calm and Validate Their Emotions
When a child’s behavior escalates, it’s essential to remain calm. Escalation often stems from frustration or overwhelm, and adding your own frustration to the mix will only make things worse. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and offer reassurance.
Example: “I can see you’re really upset right now. It’s okay to feel that way. Let’s figure this out together.”
2. Use Distraction or Redirection
When a child is in the middle of a meltdown or acting out, trying to reason with them can backfire. Instead, redirect their attention to something positive or a calming activity.
Example: If they’re upset at the doctor’s office, offer them a favorite toy, or say, “Let’s count how many red things we can see in the room.”
3. Offer Breaks or Calm-Down Spaces
If emotions are running high, sometimes the best option is to offer a break. Create a designated calm-down area where they can go to regulate their emotions before returning to the task.
Example: “Why don’t we take a quick break in the calm corner, and you can come back when you’re ready?”
4. Set Boundaries and Use Clear, Calm Language
While you want to be empathetic, it’s also important to set clear boundaries. Use short, clear phrases to remind them of what’s expected without engaging in a power struggle.
Example: “It’s not okay to hit. We can talk about what’s bothering you after you calm down.”
5. Praise Small Successes Afterward
Once the situation has calmed down, make sure to offer positive feedback for any effort they made to regain control. This helps reinforce good behavior for future situations.
Example: “I’m really proud of how you took deep breaths to calm down. That was really mature!”
If Behavior Continues to Escalate
If, despite your efforts, behavior continues to escalate, it’s important to:
• Stay Consistent: Reinforce the boundary without backing down.
• Stay Safe: If the child is becoming physically aggressive, ensure the safety of everyone involved by providing space or seeking additional support.